I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
