he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize