yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
