Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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