You smell like stripper and shame
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
