I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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