I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
