you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
