I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
