Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
