wakey wakey hands off snakey
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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