You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Will exercising make me less horny?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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