So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
