And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
