When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize