It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
