I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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