at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
