My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
