A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
