i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
