walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize