yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
