there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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