ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
