Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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