So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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