I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
