im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
