You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
MIDGETS
????
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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