I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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