I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
