sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize