i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
