You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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