Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
