he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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