I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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