I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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