just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
