it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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