omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
