If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
time to smoke my breakfast
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
