I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
