I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
