Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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