From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
