I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
