Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
