he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
please come you make the beer taste better
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
