Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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