Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
