I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize