I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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