Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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