dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
