hotel room ftw
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
