Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
