Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
