We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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