Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
