Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No subtext here. People are naked.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
