Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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